The weapon we have is love.

dontcallmebugaboo:

tavo-bell:

“Aw man! This pie doesn’t taste at all like what grandma use to make! I’m must be a terrible baker:(“

Maybe! Or maybe one of many things might be different from the recipe you’ve been trying to follow

Baking is largely both a science, and bullshit. Anything from the altitude you’re at, or the mosture in the air, or the way you’re measuring ingredients (ie weight vs volume) can effect how your final result of what you’re making will come out. A few examples just in my grandmother’s Apple Pie recipe are

• Her recipe calls for Crisco in the crust, but Crisco changed their formula in 2007, effecting the taste and texture of the crusts made, so adjustments have to be made to account for that
• The Apple tree in her backyard is gone, and no apples sold commonly in stores are similar to whatever random variety she had, and there are over 7,500 known varieties of apples
• Not all flour that you buy from the store is the same, and I’m not just even talking about like. Cake flour vs wheat flour. Even in the US the kind of regular baking flour differs depending on where you live, and where it’s sourced from

So will I ever make that Apple pie I remember fondly from my childhood? Probably not! Just gotta figure out my own thing that works.

I dunno why I made this post at 6am. Just shit to keep in mind next time you’re struggling with an older recipe I guess!

Needed to see this. Thank you :)

(via jupiter-descending)

twiststreet:

Lunch of Suffering. (X)

(via wanderingnork)

wasureneba:

janglingargot:

systlin:

I honestly always find the term ‘spinster’ as referring to an elderly, never-married woman as funny because you know what?

Wool was a huge industry in Europe in the middle ages. It was hugely in demand, particularly broadcloth, and was a valuable trade good. A great deal of wool was owned by monasteries and landed gentry who owned the land. 

And, well, the only way to spin wool into yarn to make broadcloth was by hand. 

This was viewed as a feminine occupation, and below the dignity of the monks and male gentry that largely ran the trade. 

So what did they do?

They hired women to spin it. And, turns out, this was a stable job that paid very well. Well enough that it was one of the few viable economic options considered ‘respectable’ outside of marriage for a woman. A spinster could earn quite a tidy salary for her art, and maintain full control over her own money, no husband required. 

So, naturally, women who had little interest in marriage or men? Grabbed this opportunity with both hands and ran with it. Of course, most people didn’t get this, because All Women Want Is Husbands, Right?

So when people say ‘spinster’ as in ‘spinster aunt’, they are TRYING to conjure up an image of a little old lady who is lonely and bitter. 

But what I HEAR are the smiles and laughter of a million women as they earned their own money in their own homes and controlled their own fortunes and lived life on their own terms, and damn what society expected of them. 

Just wanted to add that the suffix -ster was originally specifically feminine, a means of denoting a lady known by her profession. Spinster = female spinner, baxter = female baker, webster = female weaver (webber), brewster = female brewer. If one of the ladies named Alys in your village was known for selling her excellent weaving, you might call her Alys Webster (to differentiate her from, say, Alys Littel who was rather short, and Alys Bywater who lived near the pond).

This fascinates me for many reasons, but especially in the case of modern families with last names like Baxter or Webster or Brewster. What formidable and well-known ancestresses managed to pass on those very gendered names to all their descendants, when last names were changing from personal “nicknames” into indicators of lineage among the middle and lower classes? There’s a forgotten story of a fascinating woman behind every one of those family lines.

Resource for the history of the -ster suffix here.

(via jupiter-descending)

loth-catgirl:

attackfish:

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can’t argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

got into the vents and kept Pharoah up nights for weeks

(via quintin)

mxzenith:

spacelazarwolf:

autisticexpression:

ayeforscotland:

Yeah we should do this for action scenes too. Have Aragorn draw his sword and fade to black and the fellowship have killed all the Uruk Hai.

This is the weird wave of purity culture that I mentioned a day or two ago. If you really are *an adult* then you can decide whether or not to watch films and tv shows with sex scenes.

Exactly! You could say this about literally anything! Why bother with movies at all? Just sit in a dark room and vividly imagine an epic story of good vs evil or something. We don’t need to see scenes.

sorry but i love sex scenes. i love seeing the characters connect, i love seeing how the cinematography is handled, i love hearing what music they pick, i love seeing how the actors interact. and tbh i’m kinda tired of sexuality and erotica being banished to the shadows of society lest poor innocent bystanders be assaulted by the very mention of fucking. sorry but sex is part of the human experience for a lot of people, and it is absolutely purity culture to demand that it be sanitized from daily life bc some ppl find it icky.

Oh my god can people please shut up? I’m fucking ace, and while I’m sex favorable, seeing other people fucking makes me uncomfortable a lot of the time, so you know what I do? I don’t look at the fucking screen because I’m not a fucking ninny who thinks my personal discomfort should lead to censorship. And that’s what you fucking dinguses are calling for: censorship.

Do y'all not fucking pay attention? Do y'all not under-fucking-stand that this is gonna hurt people who aren’t cishet white and abled?! That it’ll be used to ERASE queerness and transness, to erase any body that’s sexualized against the person’s will?!

HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE ON THE INTERNET BUT APPARENTLY YOU’RE TOO FUCKING IGNORANT TO GRASP THIS.

Genuinely, if you can’t handle sex scenes, don’t watch shit with sex scenes. Go on “Does the Dog Die” and check for that shit. Be a fucking ADULT, take responsibility for your viewing habits, DON’T watch shit that makes you uncomfortable and don’t act like fucking white evangelical christians because this shit is Duggar territory and THAT is who you sound like, you absolutely worthless dipshits!!!

(via quintin)

astraltrickster:

byrdsfly:

cheesepoon:

madpiratebippy:

theprofessional-amateur-deactiv:

gay-jesus-probably:

alonelybeemakingart:

runby2:

runby2:

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn’t read the things written by Hand, because he wasn’t wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he’s like:

“Oh, sorry sir you can’t do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)”

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen’t take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you’re shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

“Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it’ll go through and not hit anything vital and I’ll be able to quit this fucking job. I’ll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register.”

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming “SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY”.

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he’d been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the “No Smoking” sign and told him in no uncertain terms, “Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first.”

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

(via jupiter-descending)

coriphallus:

tonbanereblogs:

hirkyy:

mist-the-wannabe-linguist:

Stage 1: using your native language’s idioms in English out of habit/lack of knowledge

Stage 2: using English idioms as much as you can to prove that you’re good at English

Stage 3: using your native language’s idioms in English because they fuck actually

“either take off your cross or put on your underwear” (ukrainian) to say that you can’t have both things at once is my favorite expression to ever exist in any language. i needed to put this out into the world so bad, im finally free.

I’m gonna write some:

“you can’t put doors to the countryside” referring to something you cannot control

“to honour which saint?🤨” A response to someone doing such a bizarre thing that you can only assume it’s for a very specific god ritual (what my mom says when I’m caught cooking a full meal at 3am)

“my mouth is dryer than Christ’s sandals” or nsfw version “dryer than a doll’s underwear”

“never say from this water I shan’t drink” like never say never.

“to write the dots on the i’s” to make a negotiation very clear, point out flaws.

“you have to feed him separately” as in ‘this person is a handful’

“it’s like throwing daisies to the pigs” wasteful, or useless, unappreciated act

“no one gave you a candle in this burial” you don’t have permission to talk/give your opinion

“it’s like going to pee and not letting even a drop” pointless, absurd, waste of time

“when the devil is bored he kills flies with his tail” when someone you hate is suspiciously idle and seems innocent (and you KNOW!!! they’ll do something)

“my saint went back to the sky” meaning you were so distracted/zoned out that you didn’t even notice a saint had descended to help you until it left lmao

“I’m more tied up than a Roman’s leg” (refering to Roman knee high sandals) it means you’re very busy

“An umbrella up the ass can’t be opened” situation is fucked beyond further fuckery

“Do what imam says, not what imam does” (pretty self explanatory)

“Don’t make stew for a meat on butchers display” don’t make plans hinging on variables beyond your control

“Vinegar that’s too strong harms its own bottle” bitter people end up hurting themselves

“You show sympathy to a cat and it’ll piss on your carpet” pricks will be pricks (an exclamation to be used for when someone who’s known to behave badly behaves badly)

“Mutt to mutt, mutt to its tail” an expression to depict cycles of abuse, (ie. husband abuses the wife, wife abuses the kids or ceo scolds the regional manager and regional manager scolds the cashier etc.)

“Hungry bear doesn’t dance” people won’t work for nothing

“Allah doesn’t have a stick…” used for when misfortune befalls a malicious figure/force. Karma, essentially

“[They] all shit in the same bowl” indicates that the figures in question all fundamentally uphold the same abusive systems

“Whoever lies with a blind man wakes up cross-eyed” people negatively affect eachother

“Hapless bedouin gets fucked by a polar bear in a desert.” Something very unfortunate happened here

(via cloudrest)

froody:

When I was a freshman in high school, somebody kept placing bomb threats against the school. They never figured out who it was but they were fairly certain it was one of the student body. Every time it happened they’d do the same thing, evacuate the student body for the next few hours and call the authorities to search the school top to bottom for explosives. Our parents couldn’t pick us up because of the lockdown so we’d all be trapped on the football field or in the auditorium of the middle school next door for hours. We got to fuck around and hang out with our friends, effectively giving the would-be terrorist positive reenforcement. By the 3rd time it wasn’t scary anymore. It was just kind of funny that they couldn’t figure out who it was and that everybody had to take it so so seriously. It was probably just a dude who really hated one of his afternoon classes. Eventually his hubris became too much and he called in a preemptive bombing/shooting event for a Friday in February. Like 70% of the school didn’t show that day, administration later made it an excused absence. I was one of the kids who’s mom felt they were acceptable loss and sent anyway. There were more cops than students in the school that day, I swear to god. They were nodding at you in every hallway holding a gun.

That was terrorism guy’s last hoorah, his magnum opus. Never was another bomb threat called. They never figured out who he was. If they had devoted 20% more effort to investigation instead of optics and turning the school into a police state, perhaps they could have stopped it after the first call. It was such a surreal experience.

(via starlightomatic)

runawaydevill:

Moment

(via starlightomatic)

littlebabycrybtch:

hey full offense but the ‘use the right pronouns even if the person is horrible!’ statements arent made to coddle horrible ppl, its saying ‘dont view correct pronouns as a fucking privilege that can be taken away once people decide you’ve fucked up enough’, misgendering someone on purpose is transphobic no matter what bc it equates transphobia as a ‘punishment’ for bad people, pronouns are a part of baseline human respect, its that simple

(via hardtimes)

the-curl-almighty-squad:

Friendly reminder that:

• Young people can have arthritis too.
• There are hundreds of life long conditions and diseases out there that are typically diagnosed between 12 and 30.
• There is a vast difference between being tired and having chronic fatigue.
• Just because you can’t tell that someone is unwell from looking at them, doesn’t mean that you should assume that they are ok.
• Many chronic illnesses are life long, and incurable. Many of them are potentially fatal.
• If you have a disease like Lupus, on good days you still feel like you have a bad flu, 24/7.
• Many of the medications used to treat chronic conditions have side effects that can really affect someone’s self esteem - like extreme weight gain, skin changes and hair loss.
• Most chronic illnesses have very little awareness - its unlikely that you’ve heard of Sjogren’s Syndrome, Scleroderma, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or Fibromyalgia.
• However these diseases can cause symptoms as varied as joint pain, fatigue, constant nausea, kidney failure, pneumonia, photo sensitivity, full body rashes, paralysis, strokes etc.
• So please remember that invisible illnesses exist too :)

(via fleetwood-smacc)

ittybittytatertot:

Matilda (movie) remake where Trunchbull looks like one of those hyper feminine bleach blonde Republican women you see on talk shows as the token girl/eye candy. And then Miss Honey is a soft-hearted, handy, tie-wearing Butch.

(via loverbear-butch)

roach-works:

the-swift-tricker:

in almost every other children’s book where the main heroine is swept away to a land of whimsy she’s shown having a lovely time; braving dangers occasionally, trying to find her way home, sure, but ultimately delighting in the magic around her. meanwhile alice spends her entire time in wonderland like

look, here’s the thing: alice in wonderland’s enduring fucking charm is that it perfectly captures the vibe of being a very tired and annoyed child who is nonetheless required to play along with adult nonsense.

alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.

alice in wonderland isn’t a drug trip or a nightmare or a metaphor, that’s just what being ten years old is LIKE. that’s why kids love it so much. even if they can’t quite articulate how, they recognize themselves in it.

(via starlightomatic)

lytefoot:

a-method-in-it:

3fluffies:

str0kethebigtree-deactivated202:

hexpress:

gwyoi:

ty for stealing this one much appreciated

people in the notes suggesting it was “improper” for the juror to do this or that it “introduced bias” to the court proceeding 🙄 the ice agent in question accused a moc of assaulting him / resisting arrest. how is the agent being a white supremacist not relevant. what universe are you living in

Juror fined $11,227 after googling ICE officer's peculiar uniform patch | Boing Boing

A juror was held in criminal contempt and fined more than $11k for researching his case online. The man, named as Stephen Miele, told other

Boing Boing

As a member of the world’s SECOND oldest profession, I assure you this is just one of many ways the justice system is systematically fucked up.

For anyone who wants to know how to fact check something you are told while on jury duty without getting fined:

First, you need to understand that the rule that jurors can’t just google things is coming from a good place. Like imagine that you are on a jury that’s considering, say, a medical malpractice lawsuit and one of your fellow jurors comes into the jury room and says to you, “I think the victim’s expert was lying because WebMD totally contradicts everything they said.”

And you might be like, “But WebMD is notoriously unreliable website and the expert you’re talking about is a researcher from Mayo Clinic.” But this person cannot be swayed.

Like, we can all agree that would be bad.

So even though these rules can contribute to unjust outcomes as in the case above (and seriously, the fact that the defense attorney didn’t fact check that is probably grounds for legal malpractice), they also prevent jurors from just looking up bullshit online and taking it more seriously than the actual experts the court has put on. And I think in the era of anti-vaxxers/QAnon/COVID denial/etc., we can all understand why it’s a bad idea to trust that people can tell fact from bullshit online.

So in light of this, how do you as a juror fact check something?

The key here is that you have to ask the court for information. Jurors can ask questions of the court during deliberations, so if something you said sounds off to you, you can ask for more information.

The key term you want to use here is “credibility.”

The job of a jury is to decide what are called “questions of fact.” Long before the trial even starts, lawyers will have hashed out all the “questions of law” — like, what the statute of limitations is; what laws, exactly, were allegedly broken; whether the court you’re in even has jurisdiction; stuff like that. Jurors are responsible for deciding which side’s version of the facts has more credibility.

For instance, if the prosecution’s witness says X and the defense’s witness says Y, the jury is responsible for deciding which is true, X or Y. And you do this by weighing which one is more credible.

So in this case, if the juror had known to, he could have told the judge, “In order to properly assess the ICE agent’s credibility, I need more information about his tattoo. I have doubts about whether he was telling the truth about it, which would impact how credible I would find his testimony. Can the agent please provide evidence that it really is what he says it is?”

There are a lot of problems with our legal system, and I think one of the biggest is that jurors aren’t educated about what they can and can’t do. Juries have a lot of power, if (and only if) they know how to use it.

Reblogging for that last post, because frankly, “what to do as a juror” is one of those things the schools should really be teaching us. Serving on a jury is one of the most powerful rights of citizenship and everyone should be educated in how to exercise it correctly.

(via snappysprinkledog)